http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl - Our Secret Affair - Community en-us Our Secret Affair - Community Sun, 05 Sep 2010 04:51:21 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 30 http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1281481345/1#1 Our Secret Affair - Community/Describe your affair http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1281481345/1#1 My advice, especially with all of you being so close, is to be paranoid! &nbsp;Paranoia is the best defense mechanism.<br /><br />Be prepared to call off meetings if you get that gut feeling. &nbsp;It's worth the occasional deferral to avoid detection. &nbsp;If the hairs on your neck are standing up, listen to your instincts. &nbsp;Your subconscious will help you know when there is just too much danger.<br /><br />Good luck JP. http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1282144497/2#2 Our Secret Affair - Community/Questions asked of Dick http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1282144497/2#2 (cont. Part 2 of 2)<br /><br />Blocking the email was good. &nbsp;If you start to believe that there is a good chance that the tip will come through, you can try some preemptive strategies. &nbsp;An example would be talking about someone at work who is out to get you and has started spreading false rumors. &nbsp;Tailor these to your situation, but you could create an environment where the accusation is just another tactic by an irate friend or colleague out to get you. &nbsp;Obviously, this works better if it was preset, rather than as a reaction.<br /><br />Dick<br /> http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1238110534/1#1 Our Secret Affair - Community/Body Language http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1238110534/1#1 Thats how my boyfriend is. &nbsp;He is always assuming that I am the worst liar ever. &nbsp;Little does he know &nbsp;<img src="http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/Templates/Forum/default/wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1238499864/9#9 Our Secret Affair - Community/General Discussions http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1238499864/9#9 I found OSA through a comment from a member I was talking to on Amateur Match. http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1236889300/5#5 Our Secret Affair - Community/Reasons for Infidelity http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1236889300/5#5 (Cont'd from above) <br />We have talked a bit about the nature of our relationship, and I am very lucky, actually, to find someone who had a similar sort of situation to myself, and who was also willing to take a chance and be vulnerable - and start looking to take care of their own situation! &nbsp;We believe that it was no accident that we were brought together, and will stay at it, stay discreet, and see how deep the rabbit hole goes! &nbsp;We know we have a lot of lost time to catch up on, sex-wise. &nbsp;I talked to her a bit about this 'shadow marriage' idea, and I think she likes the concept. &nbsp;We'll have to work on it, and develop our own style.<br />Also, thank you, Dick, for this site, as, until I found it and some of the discussion here, I wasn't quite so sure that I should get into this relationship; but I'm glad I have, and that there is a way forward besides the prison I was letting myself live in. http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1241417134/6#6 Our Secret Affair - Community/Confessional http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1241417134/6#6 wow that would really hurt me too. &nbsp;Maybe he is not wanting to appear weak to you. &nbsp;I know most strong men tend to shell up when they feel inadequate. &nbsp;Financial stress can most definitely make one feel inadequate. &nbsp;With you helping him out, this might be making him feel even more insecure with him self. &nbsp;I would reach out to him maybe in an indirect way (maybe a text or thoughtful email) so that if he still needs his space he has it but just that he knows you are there and thinking of him. &nbsp; http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1276030166/2#2 Our Secret Affair - Community/Describe your affair http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1276030166/2#2 I find it interesting how jealousies can be so much more present with the other partners, for I too have become more possessive of Jane than I ever have been of my wife.<br /><br />I think the idea that these side relationships aren't formalized makes them feel like something that can be lost easily, something worthy of protection.<br /><br />It also means there is real love and brings us all back to the early days of dating when we all weren't so openminded!<br /><br />Yeti, I look forward to hearing about your experiences with the wife and lover interacting. &nbsp;Much of that is similar to Jane's experience with my wife as they too, were friends. &nbsp;That's a whole new ballgame...<br /> http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1236866593/4#4 Our Secret Affair - Community/Places to Play http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1236866593/4#4 Honestly, I hadn't thought of the bathrooms for this. &nbsp;Something about the &quot;outhouse&quot; concept (even if they aren't porta-pots). &nbsp;I like being out in the sun, behind foliage of course.<br /><br />The best tip I can give. &nbsp;Have her wear a skirt! &nbsp;Jane keeps one in her car for these trysts. &nbsp;I keep the picnic blanket. &nbsp;The skirt makes for a discreet way to have an afternoon ride while risking minimal exposure.<br /><br /> http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1275966718/1#1 Our Secret Affair - Community/Happily Ever After http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1275966718/1#1 Jane and I have asked these same questions innumerable times. &nbsp;I think that everyone in this community probably has...if they have become serious in their other relationships. &nbsp;They truly are the big questions.<br /><br />For me (and Jane), living the complex life has been a necessity in preserving what I've always considered the important stable family for our kids. &nbsp;But I admit that it is difficult at times, and the more research I've done into the psychological ramifications of divorce, the more we lean toward taking these steps. &nbsp;Neither of us feels we will be happy until we can make the change and be together.<br /><br />I will wholeheartedly agree with you on one point. &nbsp;DO IT FOR YOU, and not for your new love. &nbsp;While it may seem selfless and generous, there will be complexities that you and your family have to deal with and you must be 100% ready to make this change.<br /><br />The entire reason that affairs exist, rather than just bouncing from one spouse to the next in divorce, is that relationships with spouses can be about much more than just love, and they may be worth preserving for the logistical aspects, even when you get your love and affection...and understanding...elsewhere.<br /> http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1275449922/2#2 Our Secret Affair - Community/Reasons for Infidelity http://oursecretaffair.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1275449922/2#2 Yes, I agree. For me, our relationship gives me a reason to look foreward. I don't want to settle. in my eyes, he is the gem of gems. So special. I want to scream from the highest mountains, &quot; ***** &amp; I love each other!!!! He is my man..........my heart.!!!&quot; <br />     But in reality.....WE have to be careful with our &quot;gems.&quot; People just don't understand the reasoning of  entering an extramarital affair. It is sinful. Selfish. Distructive. And demeaning. That all may be so. But when you fall in love with that special person...............social reasoning falls to the wayside. &nbsp;We want another chance at happiness. And most of us will do the unthinkable to maintain this love. A bit scarey...<br /> &nbsp; &nbsp; But in the back of my mind...........the fear lingers. Will this endure a lifetime? Will he be taken from me again?? it does mess with the mind a bit.