You're right that this isn't the kind of post we hope for in this section, but I think that it makes a good point worth noting.  For there to be a "happy ever after," both parties must share the same goal for the relationship.

From reading your posts, I get the impression (and I could be very wrong...it's just how I read it all) that you rushed into your affair without goals in mind.

Most of the posters on the board see their affairs as more than that, they are shadow marriages...a term I love...and have the same level of committments.  Only social convention, kids, etc. keep them from being happy as a couple.

Dick

Well, it is complicated.  I didn't actually want it to end.  I really liked him and felt very attracted to him but the problem was I wanted more than an affair and thought there was chance.  I found out two things.  I found out that if I like a man enough to want to sleep with him, it probably means I like him enough to want a real relationship and 2) I can't lie very well.  My s.o. realized something was up.  To make a long and ugly stroy short, he found out, confronted the guy and it turned massivley ugly for everyone.  I really screwed up.  That is why I have commented elsewhere that though I don't blame anyone for their particular choice to do it, I wouldn't do it again.  I lost both guys and I am lonely.  Maybe if I wouldn't have plunged into an affair but just told him I 'd be interested in dating him if he was single and had the guys to end my current rel.  maybe I might have gotten him.  Who knows though right?!

I have a funny feeling there is chance he might get horny and call me one day and what should I do?  I don't want to give in and be weak.  I want him for myself but I know I have a high need for sex and saying no will be tough.