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no happiy ever after for me (Read 265 times)
sadverysad
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no happiy ever after for me
11/05/09 at 21:32:08
 
Maybe this is not the right place for this posting but my secret relationship has just ended.  I hoped for a some sort of happy/satisifactory ending and it did  Crynot come.  I certainly would not negatiely judge anyone in an affair (I've now had tow myself) but my advice would be not to start it.  My best friend warned me I'd get hurt and asked if I'd be willing to risk that?  At the beginning when everything looks so promising and so full of chance, you can't imagine not get carried away with it.  You feel so optimistic so you plunge in.  Little by little it all goes wrong.  One person puts in more that the other.  One person finds themselves developing feelings while the other remains detatched enjoying the benefits and using the other persons efforts to their advantage.  I will post my affair description in the other forum but I had to post here to say, I will never do this again.  My heart is breaking and I can't even get any sympathy.
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Dick
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Re: no happiy ever after for me
Reply #1 - 11/19/09 at 21:22:23
 
You're right that this isn't the kind of post we hope for in this section, but I think that it makes a good point worth noting.  For there to be a "happy ever after," both parties must share the same goal for the relationship.

From reading your posts, I get the impression (and I could be very wrong...it's just how I read it all) that you rushed into your affair without goals in mind.

Most of the posters on the board see their affairs as more than that, they are shadow marriages...a term I love...and have the same level of committments.  Only social convention, kids, etc. keep them from being happy as a couple.

Dick
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lollipop
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Re: no happiy ever after for me
Reply #2 - 11/28/09 at 19:13:58
 
(((((sadverysad))))) i am so sorry~~~i cannot imagine the hurt you are feeling...............................

did YOU want it to end?  how did it end?  

i will tell you tho, if you REALLY still want it, it will happen again unless you stay strong to not stray again
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sadverysad
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Re: no happiy ever after for me
Reply #3 - 12/01/09 at 17:14:06
 
Well, it is complicated.  I didn't actually want it to end.  I really liked him and felt very attracted to him but the problem was I wanted more than an affair and thought there was chance.  I found out two things.  I found out that if I like a man enough to want to sleep with him, it probably means I like him enough to want a real relationship and 2) I can't lie very well.  My s.o. realized something was up.  To make a long and ugly stroy short, he found out, confronted the guy and it turned massivley ugly for everyone.  I really screwed up.  That is why I have commented elsewhere that though I don't blame anyone for their particular choice to do it, I wouldn't do it again.  I lost both guys and I am lonely.  Maybe if I wouldn't have plunged into an affair but just told him I 'd be interested in dating him if he was single and had the guys to end my current rel.  maybe I might have gotten him.  Who knows though right?!

I have a funny feeling there is chance he might get horny and call me one day and what should I do?  I don't want to give in and be weak.  I want him for myself but I know I have a high need for sex and saying no will be tough.
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