The past four months have been pure torture.  I chose to stop seeing my lover because his feelings were not as strong as mine(or he was unable to express them, not really sure which).  I just could not see placing my family in jeopardy for a senseless fling.  I truly love this man and always will.  We still talk and have seen each other since, but it is so different now.  We both have our "walls" up to keep from being hurt.  I would have changed my life to be with him, but he did not feel the same.  His life was "comfortable" as he put it.  My husband has since returned and things are strained.  My lover is never far from my thoughts.  Readjustment after a year apart is not easy.  Adding the fact that I also love someone else ,is just fuel on the fire.  I would have led a "double life" to be with my love, but only if that love was in return.  I wish that I could be inside his thoughts and know what he thinks and how he feels about me.  I miss him terribly and keep waiting for this ache to go away.